Great news: you have the power to interrupt old patterns that are no longer serving you. YOU get to choose the blueprint you want to use for all your relationships moving forward. When you turn your attention inward toward Self-Love, you’ll find a fully stocked “love studio” in which to design and experiment with your new blueprint for love.

How do we cut through the platitudes and actually create the internal relationship we are longing for?

In my 5 year journey to reorganize my nervous system and heal old trauma, I’ve found each of the following “flavors” of Self-love to have a deep and lasting impact on my life. Plus, they can bring lots of joy and peace along the way!

Winter was scary. The cold, the slowness. The holiday emotions. The pressure to start of the new year with a bang, even though I felt like crawling into a hole.

Over the past 5 years, I’ve come to not only appreciate, but also truly enjoy the fallow times. The slowness and the stillness. The sweet inward turning. Here’s how I feel about winter now…

Yes, I had to give up the adrenaline and dopamine hits that came with manic creativity and problem-solving. But I’ve gained so much more: deep peace, authentic joy, and vibrant health.

Ahhh, gratitude. I have mixed feelings. Obviously, it’s a beautiful sensation and a healthy thing to practice. But I spent so many years trying really hard to be grateful for things that I thought I should be grateful for, or that I wished I was grateful for.

Once there was a young girl who lived her life as two “half-people”. One half of the girl lived to take care of other people and make them happy. She was very "good" and as her grandmother described it: “compliant”. The other half of the girl was wilder- independent, provocative, spontaneous…

I had a laundry list of symptoms, as long as my sad, weak arm. My hair was falling out in clumps. I couldn’t sleep for more than 5 hours at a time without nightmares. I kept injuring myself doing the simplest things- walking or bending over. Almost every food gave me a bad reaction, so my diet was ridiculously limited.

And... somewhere, hidden in there, was limitless possibility.

Back when I was in full-on mom mode, full on codependent. Full on devoted to everyone around me, except barely even present for myself. I gave probably 150% more than I actually had in me. I don’t even know where the surplus came from, but I gave and gave and gave until I was basically a sad little pile of dust- physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.

So the flight attendant stood there and waited a few moments. Then she said it again, in her friendly but very firm voice: “This is really important. You have to put yours on first. Promise?” The mom sort of straightened up and reflected for a second and then said yes.

I was a high school freshman when I first heard the Gipsy Kings. From the first listen, I felt an incredible aliveness coursing through my body. I went out that day and bought the CD. This was one of maybe five or ten CD’s that I owned at the time, so I listened to it a lot.